I Was in the Hospital, and All I Got Was…

This lousy…BEARD?

OK, it’s time for something lighthearted and funny.

It turns out that, while I was in the hospital, I grew a beard.

Not a full, manly, lumberjack-type beard. But a nice little lady-like bunch of hairs on my chin that the bearded lady in the sideshow might take a second look at.

Some people would say that it’s a result of my age. That I should expect to grow a stray chin hair or two at this time of my life. But I say balderdash!

I blame the carbs. All the carbs they fed me at every meal of every day at that hospital, even though I was on a “controlled carbohydrate diet.” I got five or six items to eat at each meal. And three of those items were starchy carbohydrates. Grits. Potatoes. Spaghetti noodles. Rice. Fruit, even candied fruit. Rolls. Cornbread. Deep fried foods. I guess having ONLY three items of carbs at each meal means they were somehow “controlled.” Is it any wonder I grew the beard? Obviously my body was afraid of all those carbs and it was trying to hide from them by growing a disguise.

The worst part of it was how obvious it was. Some of my friends have pretty bad eyesight, so they get a pass for not noticing it. But the nurses and techs were young! Their eyesight was probably pretty good.

Personally, I think they were running a pool to see how long the little hairs would grow. (One of them ended up being almost 2 inches long!) I wonder if anyone won the pool? I hope it was one of my favorite nurses. They should share their winnings with me!

Yes, I’m just kidding about the nurses running a beard hair pool. (They’re nice! And very professional! They wouldn’t do that!) No, I’m not kidding about the one almost 2 inches long. (So embarrassing!) They all died a quick and miserable death the day I got home from the hospital. I’m talking about the hairs, not the nurses!

Death to beardy chin hairs! At least on women. And especially on women in the hospital! I wonder how much it would cost to add a pair of tweezers or some depilatory cream to the little supply of personal care products you get at the hospital?

Do I see a business opportunity? Heh.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s